It was never enough money…

For so long I thought that having a stable job and “enough” money was what would make me feel OK. Safe. Good enough.

I went to college so I had the skills to have a good job when I needed it.

I saved money so I wouldn’t have to worry about the future.

I did without things I wanted. Like going out to eat occasionally, new clothes for me or the kids, and vacations were only to visit family.

I stayed in jobs I didn’t like that much so I could have money.

What if it’s not money or the job that makes us feel safe and stable?

I noticed that even though my husband and I continued to make more money, I still had the same fears we wouldn’t have enough.

The job and the money changed, but the feeling of not having enough never changed.

Sometimes we try to change jobs.

Sometimes we stay in the same job.

We try to make more money to feel safe.

But, we keep changing those things and we still feel unsteady.

I realized that it wasn’t the money that made me feel safe. It was my ability to trust myself…and no amount of money can give me that.

Learning to trust me and my ability to rebound from whatever life may throw at me has made me feel more secure than any amount of money ever did.